The Rhmyenoceros, or, Disaster Averted

After taking on both the Masai Mara and downtown Nairobi in pop-top safari vans, we decided throw caution to the wind and go after Lake Nukuru on our own little self-drive safari. The allure of wandering wherever our hearts desired in our own decked out land rover was too much to pass up. The reality of waking up inconsolably hungover and squeezing five people into a Toyota Carrola to fight Nairobi's traffic was less alluring.

But no worries, we hit the road and within no time were in Nukuru town. After stopping for some petrol (we call this foreshadowing) and kuku (chicken) we arrived at the lake, paid our entrance fee and spent just enough time walking around for a monkey to run up, steal the drink box out of Salvador's hand and taunt him with it from a tree. Then we were completely free to explore the park on our own, drive wherever, stay as long and take as many pictures as we wanted (which turned out be about 400). The freedom was great, as was the general lack of other tourists (at least compared to the Mara).

The lake is home to thousands and thousands of pink flamingos, storks and probably a thousand other birds, plus its shores teem with gazelles, water buffaloes, zebras, elands (some weird cow thing) and rhinos. We drove right down to the shore, got as close to the rhinos as we dared (with most of us hiked halfway out the windows) then headed up to a lookout to enjoy our gourmet bush lunch of chicken and soggy chips. We met two Swiss guys who had the biggest fucking cameras I have ever seen, they were honestly three feet long and apparently had 1000x magnification. Serious zoom lens envy. We cruised back down from the picnic site (only bottoming out like 7 times), swung by the south of the park to check out some giraffes and then headed to our guest house.

And what greeted us at the guest house? A troop of elephants or maybe some leopards? No such luck, but we did stumble upon a solid menagerie of about 50 middle school kids running around blasting electronic dance music (Mr Green?). After about 5 minutes trying to find someone in charge, at one point actually telling people that I need an adult, we finally found the carekeeper who had (pretty wisely) locked himself in a little hut. He explained that we were at the Wildlife Club of Kenya Youth Hostel and that the Wildlife Club of Kenya Guest House was just up the road. Disaster averted.

Unfortunately the guest house didn't serve food, so we drove to Sarova Lion Hill Lodge which offers rooms from $250 a night. We watched an 'authentic African culture show', made fun of all the white people (because we are so wise and experienced) and had a thoroughly mediocre dinner. As we were driving back (through the park, at night) and just after someone said we should be looking for eyes to cheetahs, we started hearing a nice rhythmic thumping sound which we correctly recognized as a flat tire. So we limped back to the hotel, tore the car apart looking for the spare and the jack and the iron and lug nut key and got the tire changed (and some brownies too). Disaster averted.

 
The next morning we got up at the crack of dawn and watched the sun rise over the flamingos on the lake. We spent a good thirty minutes watching two adults and two baby rhinos slowly grazing, then spotted a tower of about fifteen giraffes (also slowly grazing). After a quick stop at little waterfall, we (really I) decided the main 'road' wasn't doing it, so we took off down a little double wide dirt trail. We headed into a big grassy area, saw a bushel of about 50 baboons running (galloping? loping? what do baboons do?) across the road, then promptly got stuck in the mud. Got out, dodged a lion or two, pushed the car to dry ground and we were off. Disaster averted.

From Nukuru we headed to Lake Naivasha where we enjoyed another fantastically mediocre meal in which they managed to mess up every single order (it was actually amazing, you would have to actually try to do a worse job). And then we realized we were twenty miles from the nearest town and had approximately zero gas. Rather than do something sensible like go back to town, we continued on and luckily the first guy we asked about a gas station told us he had some spare petrol, ran inside and hooked us up with a few liters. Disaster averted (or was it...).

Got into Crater Lake which is a really nice little lake (in a crater) with no predators. So while you can't spot a lion or leopard, you can get out and walk around with wild zebras and giraffes which is about the coolest thing in the entire world. Generally the animals just slowly walk away from you, though some zebras got spooked by a car and started stampeding which was equal parts awesome and terrifying. We also saw some giraffe courting which was equal parts romantic and awkward.

And then we got lost. Like random dirt paths in a national park lost. Like "hey does that tree look familiar to anyone" lost. Like our gas light is back on lost. So found some random Kenyan biking through the national park with a bunch of firewood (true story) and he pointed us to the main gate. We got to the nearest village and they pointed us to the next market where there was a gas pump. But of course gas is a little imprecise and there was in fact only a diesel pump. But after about ten minutes we found that there was also a generator and we convinced whomever owned it to give us a liter of whatever fuel she used in it. We made it back to Naivasha town, the 2nd gas station we tried had petrol(no comment) and we made it home, safe and sound, to Nairobi. All together now... disaster averted.

Gore

 

P.S. Aaaargh, its international talk like a pirate day!