29 hours in Dubai, or, You're hot then you're cold (then you're hot), or, We built this city on air conditioning and imported labor

I've had some interesting layovers, from sleeping on the floor in Atlanta to a Facebook spree in Seoul to the Lustparade in Geneva, but the 13 hours (plus a few last night) I just spent hitting the pavement (and slopes) in Dubai (in the middle of their 110 degree summer) has got to take the cake.

I think coming into Dubai from anywhere is pretty impressive, but coming in from Nairobi it is doubly so. Not only does it have metered taxis, four lane paved highways and a humongous LED / water feature in the airport, its actually safe to walk around in the dark. It is also, incredibly, ridiculously, sweat through my shirt at 1am, hot. But ventured out anyways, checked out the Dubai Creek which is much closer to a river and is pretty cool to see the old dark boats against a very modern lit up skyline.  At least I thought they were old boats. In all likelyhood they were newly constructed boats that had been built to look old. Dubai doesn't seem to have a lot to offer in the historical / authentic / cultural departments but what they do (building shit and giving you ways to spend money), they do well.

After a nice cold shower and a night in my lowly 4-star hotel, I headed back up to the creek and took a little abra, a 30 cent boat to the other side. Once there I went to the gold souk to peruse some authentic Chinese plastic markets, have an authentic breakfast of omelette, french fries and ketchup in a hot dog bun and try to keep from melting. Then hopped on a nice air conditioned bus (in fact, even the little bus stations you wait in were air conditioned) down to the Jumeirah area and the self appointed 7-star Burj al Arab. I got within 1000 feet and was told that I'd need a reservation to have the privilege of spending $100 on a drink, which I actually considered until I was ever so politely informed that I also did not meet their dress code of "elegant attire" (I probably also didn't smell particularly nice). So I snapped a photo, wringed out some sweat and headed off to the Atlantis.

The Atlantis is modeled off the one in the Bahamas, except this one is at the top of a giant fucking man made palm tree island (The Palm). It is amazing driving out there, the streets are named "Frond A" - "Frond R" and the whole thing is one big construction site (including the monorail). The Palm is either the most amazing or most atrocious, or both, thing ever built. Got into the Atlantis, walked around a bit, had a great moment where 5 Islamic women in full burkahs and 3 ugly British chicks in bikinis were staring into the same window of the giant aquarium and then had a delicious crepe. Seemed right.

From there headed off to the Mall of the Emirates which is a mall about the size of the United Arab Emirates. It has a ton of stores and pretty much every chain you can think off: McDonalds, Starbucks, Cinnabun, Cosi, Krispy Kreme, Cold Stone, Seattle's Best Coffee (everything except Chipotle which is naturally what I wanted). It also has a giant indoor ski slope where $40 bucks gets your three hours plus all your rental gear. Hit it up and was actually pretty impressed, the snow was decent, there were some fast parts and this big ass jump into an airbag. The runs lasted about 25 seconds, but all in all I would say it was better than east coast skiing.

Skipped the apres-ski and jumped into a big ole landcruiser for some dune bashing fun. Dune bashing consists of driving about 30 minutes outside of Dubai to the desert and holding on while a fair maniacal Indian guy barrels up 40 foot dunes, jumps the car over the top of them, slides down the other side, guns it to 100kph and turns as hard as he can to kick up sand. Good fun, doesn't quite top the ATVs in Namib but it was great to see the desert and get a feel for what Dubai is authentically like. And the desert sheesha / shwarma they served us didn't hurt either.

Then it was back to the hotel, a much needed shower and off to the airport for my lovely 3:30am flight to Bangalore. So there it is, a taste of the old Arabian souk, a view of some of the most opulent hotels in the world, some quick runs down a ski slope and a bit of off roading in the endless desert, all in 12 hours, all in Dubai.